有空的請幫忙改改我的作業,謝謝

哈嚕,往上傳兩份作業

第一份是要寫  resume 和cover letter,請有經驗的朋友們改改文法和格式,給我點建議  檔名叫weilung's cover letter 和weilung's resume

第二份是要訂正書信的格式和錯誤 ,原始Email檔名叫TTL wire CO
  我寫的critique檔名叫common ,也是幫忙訂正一下文法,也給點建議

感謝你們的寶貴時間唷

   所有檔案我放在網路資料夾裡

    http://f2.pg.briefcase.yahoo.com/airvast888

     如果可以的話,用email 回我
     airvast888@hotmail.com

雖然這網頁有很多的熱心會員
但是幫忙改功課........... 我也沒試過ㄝ

對了 如果還是不知道怎樣放檔案上來的話
就直接copy&paste囉:

第一篇
TTL Wire Co.
14552 telegraph Ave
Tucson 80485

March 20 2005

Simon Chen   
Airchip Corporation
1525 Garden of the Gods Road
Colorado Springs, Colorado 80907

Hi ,Simon:
as we discuss, so far, the price is ok.
after we checking the market, if we have any other issue, we will feedback.

for the production, we will move to pilot run samples for marketing usage.
once the marketing feedback is good, we will push the product for MP.

for the other issues as we discussed during the meeting, like hard to find components, Low Power Consumption SDIO Wireless  chipset.
pleaes also help to follow up.
tks.

ed

Howard Smith.

請說明一下 主旨是要寫什麼
希望大家改什麼 是改英文文法就可以了嗎?

第二篇 (common)

Nowadays, email has become one of the most convenient ways to communicate among people in their life. It is fast to contact, save a lot of money and time, and it’s very easy to learn how to use it. Also, its arrival is easily confirmed and right away. However, due to all the conveniences, some important matters such as mail format, clear subjects, focus and avoiding unnecessary information are usually neglected by people who written the email. In this essay, I will try to point out some of the drawbacks in the email I present and show the appropriate format applied in email when communicating with departments or relevant people.
In the original email, we should pay attention to some objects.

Firstly, the information about the sender in the first column was incomplete. The sender’s email address should be printed out in detail. Otherwise, the recipient will be confused because there are a lot of similar roads in U.S.A. Also, there should be a comma between the printed date and year. It is important for the email to indicate the time the sender wrote the email. The job title of the recipient should be indicated, showing respects to the recipient.

Secondly, the subject of the mail should be clearly stated. Since we have to read lots of email everyday, we should allow the recipient easily catch the main idea of the mail and avoid the mail being recognized as a junk mail. For example, a computer company, ASUS, requests the employees to type case number in the subject and put the sender’s email address in the first row of email so that junk filter won’t get it off and the recipient can receive and recognize the mail right away.

Thirdly, the sender’s email address and job title should be printed in the sender’s information. As the contact is being made through the email, it is important to inform the recipient which email address to respond as most of us have more than one email address.

Fourthly, we should be polite writing the body part of the mail. For example, replacing the “Hi,” with “Dear Mr” in the normative of address shows respect to the recipient. We should us proper grammar writing the body of the mail. For example, all the first character in the beginning of sentences should be a capital letter; the “checking” in the second paragraph of the body should be corrected to “check”; “if we have any other issue” should be correct to “if we had other issues”; there should be a “have” inserted between will and feedback because a verb is missing in the sentence and finally, and finally try to avoid abbreviations such as “thks” in the mail body.

However, we should not omit the good things about this email. For example, the sender mentioned the good news at the first place. We are clearly being informed that both sides have no argument about the price. The sender has also clearly stated the purpose and used concise sentences so that the recipient can get to the point right away. For example, based on the deal price, the sender clearly indicated what have been done, what should be done and also the helps they need. Also, it is always polite to show appreciation and grateful at the end of the mail.
In conclusion, the information of the sender and recipient should be clearly stated at the beginning of the mail. Always check the grammar before sending the mail and try to avoid irrelevant words and abbreviations. Always take in mind that write your mail clearly, concisely and straight to the point.

第三篇 (cover letter)

April 5, 2005
C J International
1737 N. First St., Suite 250 San Jose, CA 95112
John Smith   
resumes@cjintl.com

Dear Mr. Smith:

Please accept the attached resume for the position of Product Manager as recently advertised on Yahoo Hot Job. I've had the pleasure to review C J International’s web site, I am very enthusiastic about the position advertised. I believe that my combination of technical skills, product management experience, and customer service sensibilities would serve C J International well in this position.

My foundation is as a developer, in multiple languages, on many platforms. The specialties you consider this position are my strong accomplishments; I am focused on WLAN products, WiFi technical support, Research and Develop in Wireless products. Moreover, communicating project leader and link up with managers in different departments are my essential quality. For instance, I was the Product Manager Assistant for a large system. In that capacity I was responsible for extracting functional requirements from end users, customers, marketing, etc., and translating those requirements into detailed requirements. Furthermore, when I was an assistant of customer service manager, I established a proposal, Internal Control System, to increase total departmental performance with concurrent improved estrangement between R&D and sales department. Also, I attended to Customer Response System Planning to reduced end users complaints with simultaneous increase reputation of enterprise. Not only do I have every confidence that extend the actual performance in position, but also I deliver high quality, clean, working execution, quickly and correctly. Infect, being an assistant for three years, I have a thorough comprehension of every aspect of product manager in a modern setting: Be a product manager not only scheduling the products development and marketing products, but also extend to customer relationship management.

I greatly appreciate you for taking the time to review my credentials and experience. I hope that you'll find my experience, interests, and character intriguing enough to warrant a face-to-face meeting, as I am confident that I could provide value to you and your customers as a member of your team. You can call me for any initial questions you may have. I am available from 8:30 to 4:00, seven days a week.

Sincerely,
WEILUNG CHEN

至少要貼成這樣 才比較有可能有人回吧 :rolleyes:

第四篇 (resume)

Objective
To obtain a challenging position with leadership that utilizes my experience in product management, sales management, customers service management and project management.

Professional Summary
To assist the manager by managing a product line from cradle to grave, justifying new product development, determining and documenting new product requirements, developing sales forecasts and product pricing, and launching new products to the marketplace. To meet with customers, train and assist dealers, and coordinate the activities of region managers.

Experience
Product Manager Assistant 01/04 -12/04
·Reported to the manager of region operations, worked with consultants from IBM as well as executive staff to review the existing organization structure in the areas of Product Management, R&D, Manufacturing, Logistics, and Sales.
·Attended numerous meetings and teleconferences with department assistants and senior engineers to convey the decisions manager decided in the meeting.
·Defined roles and responsibilities for each group to improve company processes and strengthen communication channels.
·Assisted in preparing a report with recommendations for how to properly reorganize the project planning
Customer Service Manager Assistant, 10/02 - 12/03
·Assisted manager with directing a 20-person customer service department including hiring, training, and managing staff. Managed customer service staff responsible for processing incoming orders, coordinating shipments, and handling incoming calls from customers and the field sales force.
·Made a proposal to reorganize customer service. Also, aligned with sales teams improving communications and reducing time sales spent on non-sales related activities. .
·Assisted team members on prototyping and implementing a new ERP system to ensure a smooth transition to the new system.
Research and development, 09/01 - 08/02.
·Developed WLAN products as LAN cards and Routers
·Responsible for maintaining part of web sites in technical support  using HTML, VB script, Java Script
·In charge of customer support about wireless products.

Education
·Electronic Management in internal process Certified Professional management
·Bachelor of Electronic Engineering  in Northern Taiwan Institution of Science and Technology,

Computer Skills
·Computer Languages: C++, JAVA, SQL Operating Systems: Windows XP/2000/NT/98, MS-DOS
·Database:  Microsoft SQL Server               

Leadership Skills
·Link up with R&D, sales department, technical support department and product manager.

hmm...let me give this a try since for some reason i get a pleasure out of correcting someone else's grammar when i too need some help on grammar myself hahah




第一篇
TTL Wire Co.
14552 telegraph Ave
Tucson 80485

March 20 2005

Simon Chen   
Airchip Corporation
1525 Garden of the Gods Road
Colorado Springs, Colorado 80907

Hi, Simon:
As we have discussed, so far the price is ok.  After checking the market, if we have any other issues, we will give our feedbacks.

As for production, we will begin pilot run samples for marketing use.
If feedback from marketing is good, we will push the product for MP.

In regards to issues we have discussed during the meeting, for example, issues dealing with components that are hard to find and low power consumption SDIO Wireless chipset, I would appreciate it if you could follow up on them.
tks.

ed

Howard Smith.

第一篇TTL Wire Co.是份錯誤的 mail 格式
所以我寫了一份我的common去改正他的錯誤
所以請大大看的是common那份,文法,確保看的懂

感謝大家都進來看

oh hahah...i got cha now

第二篇 (common)

Nowadays, email has become one of the most convenient ways to communicate with people for many of us. It is fast , very easy to learn and saves a lot of money and time.  Also, its delivery can be easily confirmed immediately. However, due to all the convenience (I don't know, but I thought convenience can not be counted :P), some important matters, such as mail format, proper use of the subject line, focus, and avoiding unnecessary information, are usually neglected by people who wrote the email. In this essay, I will try to point out some of the drawbacks of using email as a form of communication, and show some appropriate formats that can be applied to email when communicating with departments or relevant people.  In the original email, we should pay attention to some areas. (or I prefer "Some areas in the email deserve our attention."

First, information about the sender in the first column is incomplete. The sender’s email address should be typed out in detail.  Without sender's email address, the recipient will be confused because there are a lot of similar roads in U.S.A. (<---what do you mean by that?) Also, there should be a comma between the printed date and year. It is important for the email to indicate the date and time the sender wrote the email. The  title of the recipient should be indicated to show respect for the recipient.

Secondly, the subject of the mail should be clearly stated. Since we have to read lots of emails everyday, we should allow the recipient to easily catch the main idea of the mail and help them avoid junk emails, which usually do not have a clearly stated subject line. For example, a computer company, ASUS, requests the employees to type case number in the subject and put the sender’s email address in the first row of email so that email filter will not fillter it out.  This will allow the recipient to receive and recognize the mail right away.

Thirdly, the sender’s email address and title should be printed in the sender’s information (printed in where?). As the contact is being made through the email, it is important to inform the recipient which email address to respond to as most of us have more than one email address.

Fourthly, we should be polite when writing the body part of the mail. For example, replacing “Hi” with “Dear” in the normative of address shows respect for the recipient. We should use proper grammar when writing the body of the mail. For example, the first character of a sentences should be a capital letter; the “checking” in the second paragraph of the body should be corrected to “check”; “if we have any other issue” should be correct to “if we had other issues”; there should be a “have” inserted between will and feedback because a verb is missing in the sentence and finally; try to avoid abbreviations, such as “thks” in the mail body.

However, we should not omit (or I prefer "we should also point out" the good things about this email. For example, the sender mentioned the good news in the very beginning. We are clearly informed that both sides have agreed on the price. The sender has also clearly stated the purpose and used concise sentences, so that the recipient can get to the point right away.  For example, based on the deal price, the sender clearly indicated what has been done, what should be done and also the help they need.  Also, it is always polite to show appreciation and gratefulness at the end of the mail.
In conclusion, the information of the sender and recipient should be clearly stated at the beginning of the mail.  Always check grammar before sending the mail, and try to avoid irrelevant words and abbreviations. Always keep in mind to write your mail clearly, concisely, and straight to the point.